“Are you blind?” “You’re missing a good game out there, ref.” “Come on, that was a foul!” “Are you kidding me?” “3 seconds!!!!” “That’s a travel”

These are just a few of the things you’ll hear if you come to any high school basketball game. For the men and women that commit their time to officiate these sports for a measly $65 a game or less this is their norm. No matter the outcome of the game 50% or more of the crowd leaves upset and angry at them. Blaming the refs for their team’s inability to secure victory. It's no wonder leagues are struggling to find people to do the job.

One thing I’ve always found fascinating though is no one thanks the refs when they win. If we are going to say they are the deciding factor in a game, then they deserve as much praise when you win. You can’t just blame them for the bad and not give them credit for the good.

Reading that statement probably made you feel a certain way. You might be saying, “Coach that’s stupid, of course the refs weren’t the reason we won.” And I would agree, they absolutely aren’t, just like they aren’t the reason you lost.  It’s time we stop wasting energy on berating officials and put that energy into supporting the athletes. Officials will absolutely miss calls or make a bad call, just like players miss shots and turn the ball over or coaches substitute the wrong person, call the wrong play, and wait too long to call time out. That’s part of being human.  But the team that focuses on the controllable is usually the one that sees the best results in the long run.

In our program we constantly remind our athletes of the fact we are in sole control of our destiny. We determine what outcomes we get, no one else. This is an important life mindset. When you take ownership of your success and failures you have control over your life.

I believe this mindset paid off for our team and will continue to pay dividends for the players long into the future.

So how do you adopt this approach? Try these simple things.

Players:

1. Thank the officials when you receive the ball.
2. Hand the official the ball after every foul call or dead ball.
3. When you foul, just raise your hand acknowledging it was you (even if you don’t think you fouled, you know they called it on you and arguing never got you anywhere)
4. When the crowd begins to lose control, BE THE LIGHTHOUSE. Get together as a group and remind each other, you control your destiny no one else.
   
5. When someone starts to bring up the officials with you, either before or after the game, politely say, “I only focus my energy on what I can control. We win and lose as a team, no one else determines our fate.”

Coaches

1. Agree with the officials when they are right. (Your players are looking to you when they have doubts if they see you agree they will refocus sooner)
2. Make the game about YOUR TEAM not the officials. If the officials are calling a tight or loose game, it’s your job to remind the players to adjust.
3. Speak to refs, don’t yell at them. Take advantage of dead ball opportunities to get clarification you seek.
4. Don’t berate the officials. Players will follow in your footsteps.
5. Remind your players that the outcome will be determined by you and the team no one else.

Parents

1. Stop yelling at officials. I know you may feel like this is your only control during the game, but you aren’t helping anyone.
2. Don’t talk about officials with your athlete before or after game.
3. If your player begins to play the blame game, refocus their energy onto the things they control.
4. Focus your energy on supporting athletes on the floor.

One of the things that Maine is known for is their beautiful coast lines and the lighthouses that adorn the shorelines. While these lighthouses have become somewhat of a tourist destination, their original purpose was much greater.  The purpose of the lighthouse is to serve as a navigation aid for those at sea. They provide warning to oncoming ships of potential hazards while guiding them through the night and storms safely to shore.

A few years back, I started asking my players “Who is going to be our lighthouse?” Specifically, I brought this up when talking about playing a particularly chaotic pressing team. I wanted to know who was going to be the calm steadying force that would guide us through the storm that was their non stop full court pressure. Since then my definition of a “lighthouse” on the floor has expanded.  Here are some of the qualities I now associate with being a lighthouse:

1. Consistency – A lighthouse continuously displays its light out into the ocean throughout the night. Likewise I want our “lighthouse” to be consistent in the energy, effort, execution, and how they show up day in and day out.
2. Calm – A lighthouse doesn’t waver. The speed of its beacon remains the same. In the “storm” of competitive battle, I want our lighthouse to remain cool, calm, and collected. Their demeanor will help guide their teammates to “shore”.
3. Staying ready – even though there may be 100 straight days of good weather, the lighthouse is always ready at a moments notice to help guide ships to shore. Regardless of role one is asked to play day in and day out the “lighthouse” is always ready.
4. Direct Communication – a lighthouse gives short direct bursts of information to the ships using it as a guide. The message is clear and concise. Our “lighthouse” will bring forward good direct communication  with their teammates, always supporting them and showing them the way back to “shore”

This past season, I decided I wanted to recognize the individuals who were displaying the qualities of a lighthouse for our team game in and game out.  I went to Hobby Lobby and bought a blank wooden light house. After each contest one individual on the team would be named the lighthouse for the game. It was then their responsibility to keep the lighthouse and add something to it. We awarded the lighthouse every game regardless of outcome, because even in defeat we can still display the qualities of a lighthouse.

Over the course of the season 8 different players were recognized as the lighthouse of the game. Those who earned the lighthouse ranged from our 2nd team All-Conference players to a swing player who didn’t see more than twenty minutes of floor time on the season. Some days I awarded it, others the assistant coaches did, the team voted a few times, and even once the previous winner awarded it.

What we found is we all started to recognize and appreciate these qualities in ourselves and our teammates. We understood that these qualities had a greater impact on our overall future success than who may have scored the most points or had the most rebounds. In tense moments, I could look at players and simply say “lighthouse”, “come back to shore”, or “don’t get caught in the storm” and they would be reminded of the traits that make us successful.

So to any players reading this, I ask you to think about how you can be a lighthouse for your team? What ways can you be the beacon of light that guides them safely towards where you want them to go?

​For the coaches that may be checking it out, how are you at being your teams lighthouse? In the chaos and storm of a game, where is your light guiding them? Also I’m curious, in what ways you instill these or similar traits with your teams?

I was recently speaking with a fellow coach as he was preparing for his upcoming State Championship game. For those who have been a part of any big game in sports, you know it can be a stressful time and there is some pressure associated with being in that position. This is the type of game you’ve spent your life preparing for. It is easy to get lost in that anxiety.

Knowing he may be going through this very inner turmoil, I suggested one simple activity to put everything in perspective. I told him that when he got a chance, I wanted him to sit down and write about all the things he’s grateful for from this season both basketball and non-basketball related. To write down all the accomplishments and things he appreciated about his team. I told him doing this would remind him of how successful a season he had and help remind him that the outcome of the game wouldn’t define him or his players, everything they’d done all season is what would define them.

Later that day I got a text saying, “Damnit coach you didn’t tell me I’d need tissues for this exercise”. I knew the exercise had worked. It is important as coaches and players that we don’t get so lost in the destination that we forget the beauty of the journey. At the end of every season, only one team gets to win their last game but so many more succeed. Don’t wait to appreciate those accomplishments until the season has passed, appreciate them every day.

Unfortunately, my friend’s team was unable to win their game. I had one text to him immediately after the game “Nothing I can say will make you feel better right now, but when you get home reread those things you wrote down and I guarantee that’ll help.” Speaking with him later he said it helped put things back in perspective after the game.

By writing what we are grateful for ahead of time we put ourselves in a position to succeed. We approach the game with a mindset of appreciation for the opportunity. Then if things don’t go our way, we are able to read our own words after to remind us of all the things we have to be grateful for. This simple task could completely change your approach to a game and how you deal with loss following the game.

​So next time you have a big game give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
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